Lack of provision can sometimes cause mental division, or as I call it, two visions. Part of my mind leans towards believing that all my needs are supplied, while the other half dwells on the fact that all we have left to eat is a pack of cheese. My faith diminishes as if thieves have stolen my ability to believe. Outwardly, I appear steadfast in my beliefs, but inwardly, I am deceived, struggling to achieve the actions that are supposed to manifest when we truly believe.
It’s challenging to face these shut-off notices with composure, bills piling up and plaguing my mind like a disease. Yet, just before I give up, I recall last December when God opened the windows of heaven and poured out so many blessings that I felt like a winner. He provided during the winter, using friends to bless me with things beyond my imagination. He moved my family to pour into me like sand on a beach. Strangers delivered timely words when I was on the brink of despair, feeling unseen and unheard.
I maintained an outward appearance of strength so others wouldn’t think I doubted God’s promises. The entitlements and privileges given to the righteous seemed distant. Questions plagued my mind: Am I not righteous? Have I not fully committed my life to God? These thoughts can sometimes arise when provisions dwindle.
Just before the doubts caused chaos within, God captured my mind and reminded me of the liberty available to those fully vested in truth. Despite the internal struggle, I picked up my Bible and held onto it, knowing that it would remind me of how God provided for others: two fish and five loaves, manna enough to feed a multitude, a ram in the thicket, and deliverance from enemies. Jehovah Jireh, God our Provider, who sometimes grants our desires, uses His Word to remind me that single vision is required.
With this realization, I am uplifted from mental turmoil and driven to testify that God’s provision occurs even before we can conceive of it.
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